i asked my brother what secrets i had. he said..you dont know how forgiving you are. people treat you terrible and they appologize and you forgive them on the spot. I get so angry because i wish you would take these people out of your life, but you just keep loving them.
after he finished i told him that wasnt what i ment...but i would take it anyways.
i think he might be true. i never thought of it as forgiving, but as passive. i seem to put a negative name on a lot of things i am. im going to start owning it.
that reminds me, since when do we feel we are entitled to things? one of my friends and i were talking about this today. since her significant other pays for everything, it is somehow understood that she owes him. She can repay this back in a number of ways. how do i feel about this? bull. we dont owe anything to eachother. we are not generous unless we give. we cannot give unless we expect nothing in return. we cant expect nothing unless we are humble. Lord make me humble so i can give the world to someone.
i called into work sick today. i think its because i havnt been taking my meds. i decided that i've been a big debbie downer lately. My energy has been drained. without energy....we are nearly useless. If i had 1 week. ugh. thats my excuse. what if i had one night? would that change anything? if i had one night, would that be enough to hit the reset button and enable me to do all i want in this world.
I have so many expectations and agendas and plans. my room is a mess...my life is a mess. i need organization. i need to figure out what my goals are so i can figure out what i want to achieve so i can figure out what i need to do with my time.
facebook is not helping me get anywhere. so facebook has to stop.
tv is getting my nowhere. so tv has to stop.
i need my music. i need my art. i need my dance.
to pay for these i need my jobs.
to make it through my jobs i need my family and friends.
to be the best for my family and friends, i need my God.
to have my God, i need to look for him. and i need to find him.
You will seek me and you will find me, when you seek me with your whole heart.
so from now onnnnn... i need to take everything for what its worth, and i need to take every chance i get.
i did get an opportunity to be in a pagent...but im not taking that HAHAHAH. =]
ohhh and by the way....im going to get back surgery.
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