why is he single then... if hes so great?
my scoliosis is getting worse. i keep thinking about surgery. we havnt been able to find a surgeon that will perform the surgery. the last time i got an xray i was at 34 degrees on top and 16 degrees on bottom. if i had the surgery it would be next spring.
i want to dance.
my weight has been dropping. 5lbs in the past couple days. which makes me nervous. but it could be because of work. anyways, im just going to eat when im hungry and ill be fine right? i hate this. i feel terrible when i gain weight and i feel guilty when i lose weight.
feeeeeeeelings. feelings. felins.
work has been stressfull. yesturday was the end of my second week at red robin. for some reason i feel it is necessary for me to go above and beyond the 'job descrption'.
i
am
worn
out.
theres been all this drama at my school and its so pathetic. thats all i have to say. it was barely even worth mentioning...
ive been thinking about things and i feel that i go on autopilot alot. i have not been able to make an emotional connection for a while now. my ex boyfriend and i broke up and yeah i was crushed because we dated for 2 years and we were way serious. but i couldnt make the emotional connection that women are supose to be able to make! this is with everything. i cannot even remember the last time i was crushed about something or when i was just longing for someone. my biggest fear right now is that kendra will leave for umd and i wont feel anything. this girl is my best friend and what if im unable to make this connection because of these fricken head injuries? i cant live my life like that. totally absent minded. letting people in and out like water. i cry when i have a depressed day and i laugh when i am manic. I NEED CONNECTION.
as far as im concerned. i do not have bipolar. and i will/do have connections right now. this is not a lie. it is a promise to myself.
kendra and allison are so close to me and i love them to death. i do not want them to leave next year! we will always stay close tho. i know this.
im getting tired so i will take a nap before i have to go to work.
1 comment:
Intriguing how you have nothing good to say about someone that bent over backwards to make sure that you were okay, day in, and day out, at some points understood your pain more than your family or any doctors, from the beginning made it an everlasting effort to seek more knowledge about what was bringing down the most precious thing to one's self and ways to bring a smile to the face of that precious thing when the things that brought it down were deemed unfixable at the time. you didnt/havent realized the immense advances from how you were to were you are. because of me, through god. and so, for your own benefit, be aware of the small things in life. the possibility of some of those things may never come around again.
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