okay so im over it. In so many ways im so angry with you. in so many ways i dont care at all anymore. and in a couple ways i feel bad for you.
butttt pity is a poor substitute for love. all day you have been talking about having sex with other girls and it just makes me realize im better off. I would love to sit and dwell on it and cry my buttox off but really... none of this is my fault.
I need to decide what im going to do. I want to go to australia and study so badly but 6 months is far away. and what is necessarily drawing me to australia?? and i could go wherever i wanted to. i think its cause its my moms best friend and i know i will always have a place there. but social norms are creepin in even tho i try so hard to shut them up.
I have a math final that i will fail in approx 10 hours.
i love gift receipting things.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS THOSE BOOKS FROM HALLMARK THAT YOU CAN RECORD YOUR VOICE READING THEM. EVERYONE WHO READS MY BLOG BETTER GET ME ONE! I seriously will start collecting these books. i want to be able to have everyone reading me a story before i go to bed. this is a new goal of mine.
Okay now onto a serious note.
my life has seemed to be turned upside down. everything i knew i was, i dont know anymore. I have been reminded over and over to forget my past and to move on, but is that really what i need to be doing? Everyone says i am so strong, but am i really?
I think i am. I think that in the face of hardship, i have spit.
but who can measure this success? Some people think i have not changed. some people think my change is not for the better. so who do i believe? the people who claim they know me.. or the person running my own life.
im ready to do some soul searching. and im ready to grow.
Im ready to take responsibility for the things that i have mistaken and stand up for the things i have not.
Now that i know the truth...the rest all turns to lies.
i feel that pain and heartache is so essential because it makes us know what the truth of the situation really is.
So many girls sit and dwell on this and dwell on that....
When i was in australia. a guy said to me, "no offence, but girls are stupid. You trample all over them, use them, and then tell them something cute and they will take you back in a second. Im sorry but they are all so damn stupid"
and i thought long and hard about what he said...and i told myself that i will never be that girl. I will never be that damn stupid. If someone wants something bad enough, they will get it. I will not chase after someone, because i know my potential to love, i know i can move mountains with the love that i have, but i want to know if you can do that. Can you risk it? Can you pursue me because i am worth it? Can you see past the commercial value into the core of who i am?
I recently told someone that she should not settle for anything less than an island. This man has hurt her over and over and now he is asking for her back and i told her...if he wants you he can get you. So let him buy you an island.
We have been joking back and forth about what is considered "island-esque" but i believe its true. what happened to chivelry? today was the first time a guy opened the door for me in ages. its a damn door. i open them all the time. its not an island. but if you cant even do simple things to show me that you are a respectable person... then why should i trust you with my love? it just doesnt make sense.
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