it has been a long time since i last wrote on here. Alot has happened. Im really not much interested in filling you in on everything. not because i dont want you to know, but because i dont want to talk about it. It just makes me tired thinking about it!
Today is my 18th birthday and i am so greatful!
I have the greatest friends in the world! KENDRA!!! BITTNER!!! you guys are the best and jayjay you are sooooo sweet!
My mom put me to bed last night. She came in my room and layed down next to me and told me all these stories about when i was a baby. She was so kind and gentle. I want to be a momma like her. And while she layed in bed with me and talked me up, Kendra and Jay were outside painting my car! I woke up in the morning and went out to the car to see "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" written alllll over! It was so sweet. and I go to school and she gave me flowers! Bittner than found me at school and gave me a present from tessa and gilly (his little puppies!) hah it was cute. a picture of gilly and tessa.
I love those people, they are the ones that love me for exactly who i am. I know im going to get married to a guy thats exactly like bittner. And bittner and kendra are going to be my friends for a long time. Yes people change, but the 3 of us seem to change into eachother.
Yesturday was my chapel. It started with Mrs.Bisping with an intro into her life and into the topic of suffering. I was up next and i talked about being sexually abused and having post concussive syndrome and eating disorders. I talked a little about my bipolar.
IN YOUR DEEPEST PAIN SAY 'GOD IS ENOUGH'
WE DO NOT LIVE BY DEAD ENDS BUT OPEN DOORS!
This was the last thing i said. This still rings in my ears.
I sang the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller
Carl then talked about his pain and his life going through deeep depression. He played a video he made. It was AMAZING. I couldnt help but cry.
HIS PEOPLE sang a song that also made me cry.
We then all got on our knees and prayed to God.
Afterwards i felt so naked. Like litterally Naked.
I felt as tho i just ran around the whole chapel naked for an hour. I was so bare. It was scary. I just told a room of about 400 people all this crap i had.
people were so gracious tho. it was amazing.
kendra and i debated about the health care bill. it was fabulous. i've never had a friend i could debate with and not be worried if shes getting offended or im getting offended. it was so raw and i love that!
I met a girl today who i will not name, she is so sweet and innocent. Life really hit her hard. I cannot believe the courage she has everyday. Its people like this that i find so much beauty in. if it was anyone else they would have killed themselves. but its her, and shes strong, and she wants more out of life. I hope i can help her. I hope with all i have i can help her. She doesnt deserve this. We all do. Not Her.
One more thing about my birthday... my pappa always makes/buys cakes for us on our birthdays. Since i am gluten free and vegan, he said he couldnt find anything! hahah so he cut all this fruit up and made the most amazing designs out of them and gave it to me as my 'cake' it was so sweet. thats something that shows me...there are no such things as dead ends...just open doors.
thats it for now. Be so blessed!
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