my thoughts on graduation/casino
weird. ill start off with the casino.
so dirty. everything that was on me reaks of smoke and booze. i feel like everyone scared me. no one was having a good time, everyone was wanting a good time. waiting for it. like it was going to just happen if they kept playing slots.
scary. all these crusty old men. REally? did you really think that i would jump at a chance to spend a night with you old man? Really?
i wore a skirt. bad idea.
i was under 200 lbs. bad idea.
i showered. bad idea
i smelt nice. BAD IDEA.
even one of the guys i knew was hitting on me. he kept calling me sweetie and telling me, "you do a good job. im too wasted. you take good care of me."
FUCK YOU! get out of my face. i didnt come here with you, im not leaving with you.
ugh makes me feel so pride in the human race. its just a filthy place. i hated it. im never going back again. i had the experience and its still ringing in my ears. stinking up my clothes.
graduation.
so strange.
i feel nothing.
not yet at least.
i had the opportunity to go to about 15 grad parties today annnd i stayed home. granted i had to pack, but i also felt no desire to go. the one thing that was pushing me was the box of grad gifts i have kept in the corner of my room since they day i bought them. there will always be graduates to give those to...
i think i know a list of people i will miss. i definitly know people i wish i said more too.
owen- you are bettter than what people say you are. they see you as trash and you know it, but you have a heart of gold that no one will be able to have.
katie v- people suck and you and i know that for sure, youve been through hell and back and you are still smiling and you are gunna find people that will love you even tho you have a brain injury. i love you. please dont give up. life wouldnt be worth it if you ever killed yourself. keep trying
gina- you have shown me so much hope. and creativity. my lord, so much creativity. i will never forget you. i couldnt.
will - you are just so sexy.thanks for being my prom date. youve always been there for me too. i knew i could count on you.
paul- thanks for understanding that theres more than one side to christianity.
regee- dont kill yourself ever. dont try ever again. stop cutting, stop starving. you are better than that. i see so much of myself in you. so much struggle. but do not let it get the best of you. you are more than your body.
jb- im sorry all that stuff happened freshman year. i feel like we could have been this close all 4 years if it wasnt for that. you give me hope in the male race. bah!
kendra, allison, taylor, mack,sam - i love you. like i cant say anymore than that.
reid- thanks for letting me hit on you everyday in art. it made 3rd block so much better
bittner- sometimes you frustrate me, and sometimes i love you more than anything. but ill always be glad youa re in my life.
brooke b- we go wayyy back im glad your in my life you taught me i dont know anything about anyone else
ellie h- you are one of the most beautiful girls i have ever met.
emily m- i love your clothing. and your pretty cool too
taylor t- omg you make me laugh.
thats all i have for now.
maybe i will miss you guys sometime.
but as for now.
im going shopping.
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