Wednesday june 9th, 2010
We are again at the airport. This time we are on our way to Oslo, Norway. I have embraced the inner American in me and have been dancing around the airport all day. Surprise surprise. They have Americans music in the UK. Today we heard Just Dance by yours truly and OMG by usher. We sang that loud and proud. America the beautiful huh? Yesturday I was full of swearing. I was so angry and swearing made it all easier to cope with. Damn shit mother fucker. That sums it all up. Excuse me. I wonder what it would be like to not have use of my legs. Would I still dance? Probably. Shame is such a weird feeling. Ashamed. Is that not what we feel when we do something unusual. It is practically forbidden in our society to do something out of the ordinary. If anyone raises their voices, even in reverance to God, we say they are full of themselves. They want attention. Well then let us all raise our silence to our God and let the rocks cry out. Do me a favor and do something reckless today. the world is in great need of some laughter.
Thinking about my post yesturday… I feel that I have a strong opinion about gender roles. And since this is my blog I will voice my opinion, whether you wanted to or not, because I don’t have a comment button so I don’t have to hear your complaints. =] love ya! ← that makes up for it all right?
To all the girls out there. Shut up. We all know you want to talk about yourself. We all know. Listen please. We have silenced our men and made ourselves greater than them. Respect. And you will be respected as well. Love yourself. Do not look for it in other things. And when you understand yourself and what it is that you want, then you can lead and be respected. I am not feminist and not anti feminist. The feminist movement was created to give women equal opportunity. Which is great! But what the feminist movement stood for and what it occomplished are two totatally different things. We put ourselves at the same leval as all men. I am sorry, but if we cant control our moods at that time of the month, we cannot control a country. Women have a right to edjucation just as much as men do. And we have a right to our opinion just as men do. And that’s what is beautiful about the movement because it gave us what we have now. But it went too far. Now we have people saying, women either need to stay at home and clean or they need to run the country. Hey I have a wild idea, lets let them decide. But please ladies, keep in mind that the man is the head and deserves respect. It is our fault the man is portrayed as the slob that just grabs ass and comes home drunk, to his family who has no relationship with him, after his factory job. We have turned you into this monster.
And to all the men in this bidness…. Prove us wrong. We think you are all full of shit. Prove us wrong. You have what it takes inside you to sweep any girl off her feet so be confident, not cocky (because that’s insecurity) your big ego will not make up for the fact that you cant deal with feelings because your father beat you. Sorry men. And also be the exeption. Like in “hes not really into you” or whatever its called. We say all men are heartbreakers and are shallow and liars. We cannot trust you because of the past, not because of who you are. You know what, don’t even let there be an exception. Change this standard. I don’t want to see one man that is what God intended him to be, I want hundreds, thousands. And this blog wont get that done but heres to wishful thinking. Sitting on my ass wont seem to do much either….i I sit on my ass and type at the same time..? yeah sounds about right.
I think there is something beautiful when a women is whole and complete and a man is strong in the sense of who he is, he is unshakeable in who he is and what he stands for.
That being said…. I can continue with my trip logggg
Wednesday June 9, 2010 continued (3:30) on the plane to oslo. Flight was delayed. Jay and I have been hyper. I took my meds. Im just going to take this as normal or maybe hormones. Or maybe I don’t need to blame it on anything. This is me. This is jenessa. I danced to techno on the plane with jay while recording the whole thing. Beautiful. You know Im really getting to the point where I can recognize beauty in my own life. Like in who I am. I think that’s what makes it so easy to be single. I have a very strong personality. If you have ever pissed me off you will know this. Hehe. Theres my shout out to all you! But I realized that I cannot date someone who has a weaker personality than me. I need someone to bring me up. I am very responsible. I know it never seems that way hahah but I am very capable of taking care of things. I am not afraid to speak to people and figure out the problem an the solution. So I need someone who can do that too. I laugh a lot and I need someone who can keep up with me. I cry a lot and I need someone who will not go to that place to dwell in it but to take me out of it. I need help from time to time. Hahah. Apparently I want to keep talking about relationships because I swerved from this topic and came back to it. This is it for now. Im just adding ‘fluf’ at this point, and this is not my thesis paper. I don’t need fluff. I don’t need proper. Puncuation? You. G.e.t. my point….!
The time is so screwie. Its nearly 4pm in Norway right now but 9am in Minneapolis. I told AJ to be online at 7pm that would mean 2 am right? Im not good with numbers anymore! Well anyways it will be early in the morning. My grandma will be having her surgery today and so prayers lifted up.
Prayers. This is something that trips me up too. People tell me that prayer doesn’t change God but changes us. But I don’t get it. We pray to him so that he changes things. But when we pray WE are the ones changed. Is this some funkie coping thing? I guess its hard because if God already knows how I feel and what goes through my head then why do I tell him. And he wants us to go to him. Is this right? Os my grandma is in the hospital for her surgery and I pray that He would guide their hands. So what if something goes wrong? I have the right to blame God? No because he knew before hand and my praying wasn’t going to change his plan. That’s wat messed me up. To pray or not to pray? And to blame or not to blame? All this shit happens and our automatic response is to blame and find a cause for it. Why did I have to have a head injury? Why did I hate my body? Why couldn’t God just make me whole to start out with and I could have problems like tying my shoes instead. That could be my one downfall. Or that I liked to kick over lawn knobs. Huh? That would have been a lot better than personality conflicts and broken hearts. But when the ‘fall’ happened it was like our eyes were opened up to to depths of evil and the heights of love. I feel that in the garden everything was amazing. And after the garden everything was amazing too, but there was pain. But that pain made you appreciate the love. I know how much love means because I know what its like to not have it. To be abandoned. And its like God said to me just wait. Im doing this because I want you. Im doing this because you wont want me if I don’t. maybe I am wrong. I usually am. I just know that God isn’t some puppet master. And I sure hope he doesn’t smell like one. Hunter had asked me if God is greated than an earthly dad, and an earthly dad would never inflict pain on their child, then why does god? Like my dad wouldn’t throw me in the river filled with sharp rocks and other creepy things. (yes that’s the extent of my descriptiveness right now.) but God had it in my plan that I would have a severe brain injury? How does that work? In the garden when our eyes were more veiled. We probably saw what we needed to. Not all the fluff. I don’t think God intended us to ‘see’ the fact that he has to allow these things to happen to win us over. I think it breaks his heart because he knows it breaks ours. Idk. Im not trying to justify. I just know that God isn’t like that. I know my Gods character, and that’s not it. So there is nothing to justify. I just know that it cannot be evil. I don’t get it, but it is not evil. And apparently I am suppose to rejoice in suffering. So…shall we?
What have I learned about Norway. They have attractive men. And attractive accents. Screw Ireland, Norway is where its at. My uncle johan when he picked me up from the airport told me that I needed my eyes checked and I said noooo! They are beautiful! Hahah! I am hoping that I will learn more hahah!
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