i feel at peace.
mentally.
i feel exasted.
finacially.
UP Dress- $150
Australian outlet converter - $10
miscellanias in australia - $1,000 USD
Food for a month overseas - $200
and these are the things i havnt bought yet.
the things i have amount to over $1,500...you think i would be done.
after all of this i will not be in debt. which is nice. but i never said i wouldnt be broke.
2,860 american dollars. ugh.
its water and air after that. august 19th ill come back to pennies and a clean room.
i have a headache. ive been feeling so extremely lately. happiness, excitement, wonder.
Things i havnt felt in a long time.
the biggest thing tho, is i feel such a need. such a loss. and such a longing.
I feel so loved by God and so connected. and if its not connection, its a need for it.
i see him weaving himself back in. i love it.
i want to know more.
i want to love people the way he does. and thats a hard place to be in.
but the best thing about it...?
i dont need to know anything but Him.
everything else is in him.
but yes, i have to understand what gate to go to, what type of food i can eat, math... (hahah barely), common curtesy...but beyond that, all the hard things. He tells me he will show me.
im going to really miss kendra and allison, my family, bittner and company, and the twait family.
you guys are whats keeping me with grounded roots in minnesota.
i would have never imagined a year ago that this is where i would be.
exactly a year ago...
July 21st 2009...
I was probably working at shoreview community center, hating every minute of it.
i was in a relationship that defined me
i saw myself as ugly and not worth it
middle of eating disorder recovery
dreading my senior year
i wanted to be done
i was just going to be starting dance camp,
...where i realized i possessed beauty.
i was, for the most part, stuck.
but content.
today?
july 21st, 2010?
i am sitting at swimming lessons with gladys and eddie twait.
i love my job.
not in a relationship
not wanting one.
loving all 125 lbs of myself! (yeahhhhh i lost a little weight because of stressssss)
not able to wait for college
have the best friends i have ever had in my life
filled with optimism and joy and excitement
the world is my .... whatever the phrase is!
and im going on a trip, by myself, by my own means, for a month, to australia.
im not going to figure anything out.
im going to live
no more box
no more expectations.
just jenessa
and with a faith that i feel has never been more real.
I love who i am and who God is shaping me to be.
the only think i am lacking is more and more and more of him.
and the only concern on my mind??
getting eddie some lotion so he stops picking at his dead skin.
oh death, where is your sting?
oh life, where is your fear?
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