i really set myself up for failure dont i?
i know these things are never going to work out. but wishful thinking? maybe.
i cant stop shaking. why do i do this to myself.
its all the hype. all the risk. fun for me when im manic. but thats the problem, im not always manic. i wonder what it was like before this thing called bipolar came. before this thing called EDNOS came. before post concussive syndrome. i wonder...
i remember there was a time i was genuinely happy. a time i was running. a time i wasnt striving. but the people in my life at the time were a total lie. if i was bringing myself down, they would do the same thing. when it was good it was great when it was bad it was hell. that makes me not want to go back.
i cant go back anyways. always the next step.
i went through my quote book the other day and i realised that i was making the wrong choice. i cant do it. i cant keep going like this. so heres the line in the sand.
heres where i say what i need and what i cant tolerate. this is where i stop settling and i become a better person. but im still not apologizing hahah.
so here is to being vague!....and getting all the skeletons out of the closet.
please dont hate me.
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