this blog post is going to explain to you why you broke up with him.
i decided today that i want my future husband to give me foot massages. i give them all the time. like allll the time. my husband will give me one. not everyday. not every week, not every month. but he will give me one. and he will wash my feet. He will sing as well. sing me to sleep. sing me to wake me up. and he will go dancing. and cook. he will like art. and he will take pictures of me by important buildings and people and with my family and with him. he will not take me to the movies for any of our first 10 dates. he will never ask me for money and he will hold my hand and stay awake when im crying and sad. he will have a passion that he needs to keep up with and will always stand up for me even when im wrong.
not everyday, not every week. not every month. but he will do these things, because i do these things for people i love and this is how i know i am loved.
all i want for christmas is a recordable story book from hallmark. The book is called "i love you this much" and has been my favorite book since i was a kid. thats all i want. i want to have someone "reading" me a story everynight. so when we fight and when i think the world is over, i can go back into this dream that one day you loved me enough to record a story for me. At this point i dont give a shit who does this. but this is all i want.
im sick of feeling lonely every night. Im sick of being this monster that he has turned me into. Ive never been this person but that hasnt stopped me from being it lately.
im sick of a love/hate relationship. i deserve a love relationship. Im sick of it all because your quest to find yourself hurts me so bad. The only thing i can do is take a step back. when i cry, it will not be to you. when im happy, it will not be to you. i have to protect myself. im so sick of it all.
all. sick. it. of. im. so
more later
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