im doing it right now.
Ive become that girl that is setting herself up for failure.
In a way i am settling.
Why did I buy the snack mix that had peanuts in them? Why didnt i look harder and longer for that bag? is it because i dont have the time... i didnt want to inconvienence the people around me. I didnt want to pay more or go through this method and search for the "perfect snack mix"
I hope by now youve realized this isnt about food. It never is.
instead i settled and now im stuck picking out all the things i hate. and all the things im allergic to. I look like an idiot. I know its not what i really want to im sitting here face first in a bag of mix picking and proding and pushing through things i already know i dont want.. trying to find some redeeming value so i dont feel like i wasted my money.
If i had what i really wanted, i wouldnt have even had to look when i was eating it. because i trust that when i grab a handful of whatever the hell is in there... i wont find any peanuts.
this is what i do to men. i poke and prode and sift my way through each one of them... find the core of who they are... all the things i hate... all the things ill put up with or just simply throw away. I finish it and i find another. hoping to god that maybe i would have put enough thought into actually looking at the package before i commit and buy the damn thing.
The package.
theres a couple in front of me now.
but im sure that they all have peanuts in them and i dont even care to read the package. BUT IM SO DAMN HUNGRY.
in real life terms... Im alone. and i know it. and there are options. 11 to be exact.
i know every girl out there probably wants to kill me for saying that tho,
11 guys? really? they would say... pick one! just anyone. better than no one! i got no one!
but i think its because im a tease
i make men believe that they have all these qualities that they really dont have.
I represent some sort of middle eastern tranquility mixed with passion and adventure and who doesnt want that?
but the problem is... im not the girl for them. Im an idea. they are in love with an idea.
i am this idea that you dont have to settle. that you can up and leave the country and you can live your dreams. I am this idea that nothing is as it seems and each person has the power to be who they want to be.
im going to find someone one day thats going to make me want to commit. thats going to be worth it for me. thats going to make me fall in love without losing myself and without losing balance.
i do make it impossible for any man to enter my life. but i think thats my way of sifting. you have to be so set in yourself and so confident in yourself that you cant lose yourself in me. and you have to be so charming and smooth to impress me. a gentleman. a tenderhearted confident gentleman. and you better be DAMN FUNNY! but dont lose yourself. I do not what to know that im your world. I want to know that you have a world beyond me and that makes you someone. your not just an obsessive weirdo. those are a dime a dozen.
i think this is why i date people so much older than me. because they have to have some sort of "way in this world" that theyve been making it so far and they dont need someone. I dont want someone to need me... i want them to want me. if you need me... i am nothing but a performer. if you want me i can be myself.
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