Might be at the end of a very confusing stage in my life. I feel like I just went through puberty for the second time because I refused to grow up after the first. Not something I'm necessarily proud of.. but something that had to happen.
in the last week i have drank so much that i couldnt help but puke my guts out... all over some guy. exactly a week later i met a 28 year old at the club. gave him my number and we started talking. We just went out a couple nights ago for drinks and a late dinner. It was fun and funny and an experience. I talked to the man I love last night. You know... the one that makes me do crazy things cause i love him and miss him and am filling a void. yeah well he told me to stop. (im talking about God...) "just stop"
i talked to australia and his mother and they said something to the extent that im going through a confusing stage in my life. Australia asked me why i was drinking. and i had no answer.
I think its time to be done. I had this quest to be balanced and if i keep going down this road... then my balance will be gone. I know what it is to party. to club. and to have a fling. I know what it is to lie, to cheat, to steal. (in the most metaphorical sense)
so today is when i start a new thing. idk what its called yet... and i hope it doesnt have a name because they are all getting jumbled.
i had ballroom dance thing
australia thing
traveling thing
party thing
older men thing
eating disorder thing
disorder thing
artist thing
dancer thing
singing thing
i just want Jenessa. Jaici for work and school but Jenessa to all those who i love.
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