6.14.2011

Tell me one more time... because i love the look on your face when you lie.

I dont have time for this
the swelling of the violins
the ebs of the waters
im crying
and im an ocean

i go on these runs
over and over again
the same runs
every day
and i ask myself
why am i going insane?
Why does my pulse get rapid
when i see something out of the corner of my eye
Im craving it.
something different
im barely making it.
and my heart is pounding in the glass walls of my chest
Prove yourself. PROVE YOURSELF.

I promised her that one day we would stand tall
that one day her mom would finally die and we could stop waiting for it
the tears burn at first, you know, when you get your life sentance
but our faces had to have gotten numb from self abuse
the torture.
we chained ourselves to the bed!
cause when she died we swore we wouldnt get out of bed until she did.
We became suicidal versions of ourselves
we never run down the halls
we cut
we never chill out
we hang
we dont drink wine
we take shots
1 tequilla 2 tequilla 3 tequilla
as many tequilla as we need to make the pain go away
aches and pains all the same
we dont need anything
we need it all.
Our lives become miniture doll houses
paper plates
we micromanage
we industrialize
and now the metal box that holds my heart is aching for the feeling to come back in my cold hands as i clutch with every ounce
the pills.

I use to think that i was just crazy
but im starting to think that its not just me.

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