I think its the fact that I had to wipe the dirt off my chin as I left that made me know today was worth while.

went to the doctor today. Weighed in more than i have ever weighed in my life. I was crabby the entire apmt. I told my doctor (who has been alot like a dad) that i was sick of gaining. He said my BMI was still healthy but that it was safe if i lost some weight. He said that my goal weight of 115 might be too low. He said since i am very muscular.. that at 115 i might be too weak.

So i am going to use this blog to help me stay on the right track. I will not lose weight in a bad way. starting tomorrow morning i will record my weight. And i will only weigh myself wednesday mornings. I know that if i record this on my blog, i will have some sort of accountability. so i will record any progress or set back here.
I am going to be smart about this. I plan on this taking 9-12 weeks with 1-2 lbs loss a week. after then i will do maintnance and stay there. I have and exercise, sleep, eat, and mental and spiritual health plan and i think its going to be alright.
i dont have much to say but i did want to post this poem. It is probably one of the sweetest things any guys has done for me....speaking of that...im going to write a list of those....theres not many...
Hunter- surprised me and brought me to Chicago the musical after going out to eat downtown. I remember we walked through rice park and he said we should pee in the ordway....after relieving myself i walked outside to see hunter at the top of the stairs. he grabbed my hand and passed the tickets to the lady and walked me into the theatre. I just about peed myself. After ward he made me canned pears and cinnemon (what my dad made my mom on their first date)
jayjay- he constantly buys me little gifts that i had talked about at one point in time. He remembers everything i say! its soooo cute!
my pappa- when i first went into treatment for eating disorders my dad gave me the sweetest card. I cried so hard when i read it and he hugged me! He also will clean my room when i am like crazy overwhelmed and he helps me with everything i mess up, like cars, boyfriends, diets, school, therapy, appmts!
and this poem....
(im not going to write who its from but it was for prom)
Beauty graced by God above
Wisdom gained from trial there of
You shine unique, you've caught my eye,
for me to ask, i ask thereby...
prom?

i just about cried i thought it was soooo cute!!!! It just is something that warms my heart. that these guys would go out of their way to do something special for me! Im just not use to it! haha