today i thought, its summer, my legs are pastie white, i hate my legs, but ill wear shorts. and so i put on my black v-neck top and my denim shorts.
i like to get a little fancy so i put my cowgirl boots on... =].
i get to school to pick up jay, and i get out of the car...
and lindsay yells, "HAWT DAAAAAMMMMMNNN, do you're parents know you are dressed like this? you are damn fine! look at you!" i was seriously... just not really sure what to think.
its lindsay. soooo...
but after i go to mcdonalds to get wifi,.
im waiting in line to order my little salad and this guy runs up to the register and says, "ILL TAKE YOU OVER HERE M'AM!"
(mubble," im sure you will," under my breath)
he initiates small talk and asks me if i want all this other shit.
since i have been here, guys have been sitting all around my vicinity. and im not retarded. i know that while im sitting here typing, you are all walking by me looking down my shirt.
it just messes me up.
i hate that attention.
it tastes dirty.
kinda like the diet of meat pies, cigs, and booze.
so this is why i want to disapear. why i do this thing called starving myself so i can fade into the blackness (pop music referance)
its not about starving myself to look 'pretty'
yes i feel fat, but fat is what is attractive.
curves is what gets the blood rushing.
and i feel attractive.
and i hate it.
i want to be little. and gone. so its not what my body looks like, but who i am. i dont want to look available. i want to look like a human...but not the community bus that people pay a quarter a day.
im gettting the hell out of here.
thanks for the goddamn salad mcdonalds.
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