When I Became ED and Hit My Head...Hard.: Tapir

3.06.2011

Tapir

life has been easy for you ..for you have been the rider.
but i pray this car stalls. and when it stalls.. i pray you have the clothes on your back and nothing else. because maybe if you are desperate... like desperate for your life, maybe then you will learn to love. and learn to stop. and learn to appreciate.
i hope you fall and fall hard and when you get back up i hope you turn.mold.shape....change.
because you live this life in this body and you cry at night because you are alone but now its time to realize that we dont hold eachother, we hold ourselves. and the real beauty is when you have cancer and you have nothing to your name and no one to hold you and no one to cry for you and no one. the real beauty is when you look inside yourself and see that you have nothing you could possibly give to anyone anymore and you say, with not a tear in your heart. "God is enough". For if we keep looking to eachother for strength, we grow accustom. and then there will be a day when you are alone and you cannot see any reason to go on and you will die inside. just a little bit. each day.
and when your car stalls, instead of walking away, you will sit and wait and die. and when its all done you will say, "no one was there to save me"
im sick of relying on people. to love and to be loved is one of the greatest gifts God has given us but love doesnt come without hate. and theres so much hate it could make an ocean. so what is it going to be Hard Man? am i going to love today and risk hate. wait for it. because its going to be a long walk. and you CAN do it alone.
I hate you. because with my love comes my hate. and you have not shown me the love i needed nor the love i wanted. you have beaten me down and here i stand. and i stand tall. because i can make it without you. i can fly. and i will look at those birds outside your window and i will fly with them. Lets get the hell out of here, i will say. because you deserve to be left at the alter. you have cheapened love and you deserve it to cheapen you. i hope you get hell, because then MAYBE you will search for heaven.

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Kendras inspiration to me

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.