Hold my drink while I eat this Milky Way.

Figuring out how naive I am being. Trust thyself, Trust thyself, Trust thyself... and no one else. A booty call is a booty call no matter how long it drags on.

I am very familiar with Mr. Hidden Motives, I just thought I had gotten rid of him a while back.
I CANT TRUST YOU.
once a cheater always a cheater.
and im sure you can have things casual. Im sure.
That just works. perfectly.

I need air. I need air. I need air.

Because If i am going to be drowned, than why in the name of God did I come all the way out here to do it.
Im falling. and im falling hard.
I just wished I hadnt tried so hard for something that cannot happen.

i look back on my posts and i think that at one point, i was feeling so many things that i wonder if the wind blew strong enough, i would collapse.

have i been creating this world, or is this really how life goes?

Tell me one more time... because i love the look on your face when you lie.

I dont have time for this
the swelling of the violins
the ebs of the waters
im crying
and im an ocean

i go on these runs
over and over again
the same runs
every day
and i ask myself
why am i going insane?
Why does my pulse get rapid
when i see something out of the corner of my eye
Im craving it.
something different
im barely making it.
and my heart is pounding in the glass walls of my chest
Prove yourself. PROVE YOURSELF.

I promised her that one day we would stand tall
that one day her mom would finally die and we could stop waiting for it
the tears burn at first, you know, when you get your life sentance
but our faces had to have gotten numb from self abuse
the torture.
we chained ourselves to the bed!
cause when she died we swore we wouldnt get out of bed until she did.
We became suicidal versions of ourselves
we never run down the halls
we cut
we never chill out
we hang
we dont drink wine
we take shots
1 tequilla 2 tequilla 3 tequilla
as many tequilla as we need to make the pain go away
aches and pains all the same
we dont need anything
we need it all.
Our lives become miniture doll houses
paper plates
we micromanage
we industrialize
and now the metal box that holds my heart is aching for the feeling to come back in my cold hands as i clutch with every ounce
the pills.

I use to think that i was just crazy
but im starting to think that its not just me.

its almost better to keep moving... makes you feel like life it still going even though you were sure it shattered to pieces a while back.

"but in another sense I feel like its almost better to keep moving... makes you feel like life it still going even though you were sure it shattered to pieces a while back"

these where my exact quotes today. and for once, they are words i actually feel confident about. ive never been good at stopping and healing. Instead i usually take the panda express bowl and living and relationships and limit myself to either wontons or pot stickers.

i dont want either.

within the past month i cheated, was cheated on, broke 2 hearts, mended one, possibly crushed mine in the mending process but casualties are inevitable.

i still feel like he is not trustworthy. and i know im probably going to hate myself for this all later.

I just keep telling myself,

"as we sit here alone, we must know, that one day we will move on"